On a plain to Russia

How do you know you are on a Russian plain heading there?
A. No AC, and man, the air is thick, if you know what I mean...
B. Scratched metal parts were painted on with a cheap white oil-based paint.
C. The flight staff consists of at least one thick-blond-ex-shot-putter lady.
D. No plain walls for us. The inner walls of the plain look like a persian rugg. Gives you a headache when combined with point A.
E. You know that bi-lingual airflight magazine in the pocket in front of your seat? its not bi-lingual here....
F. 'Here is a grape juice for you, sir!' Don't like it? want a coke or god forbid water? we are sorry, comrade. The party is always right.

Gott'a love 'em, I'm psyched. Here comes Rostov.